When Trust Is Low, Who Makes the First Move?

I made an investment in my professional development by attending the GMA SHRM Human Capital Conference on Tuesday (Greater Madison Area Society for HR Management). The day was full of high-energy presentations, engaging breakout sessions, and excellent networking, and the lunch wasn’t bad either.

Sessions from keynote speaker Anne Bonney and morning breakout session speaker Beth Ridley set the tone for the day with high energy and plenty of food for thought. The final session of the day, led by Dr. Teresa Peterson of the Noll Wilson Group, turned out to be the glue that helped me piece together a theme I’d felt all day but hadn’t yet named: intentional evaluation of trust and relationships.

During the session, one participant shared that trust isn’t static. We evaluate people on multiple dimensions, someone might be deeply trusted in one area and distrusted in another. He also suggested that our perception of trust is influenced by recency bias, and likely primacy bias too. While I agreed with his thinking, it immediately brought to mind something from an earlier keynote about the amygdala, the part of our brain that triggers fight-or-flight responses.

This primal part of us is efficient. It categorizes fast. But it also tempts us to reduce complex human beings to simplified scorecards. And in doing so, we often rely on snap judgments instead of slowing down to fully understand the people in our orbit.

The Risk of Oversimplifying People

After the session I thought of a reliable, long-term employee I used to work with. He did his job well, rarely asked for much, and appeared content. During an evaluation, I learned he had quietly expressed interest in advancement to multiple supervisors over the years. But no one followed up. He had become labeled as someone who was stable, not ambitious. That label stuck.

And I had contributed to it.

Looking back, if I had intentionally taken the time to explore his goals, I may have helped open a door. I’m not suggesting his growth was entirely my responsibility, but I do believe we all play a role in creating an environment where people feel seen and trusted. Sometimes, a single conversation can unlock momentum. Maybe a small vote of confidence would have made a big difference.

When Trust Is Low…Who Goes First?

It’s tempting to treat trust like a two-way street where both parties step forward at the same time. But in reality, that usually doesn’t happen.

So who goes first?

That question reminds me of a Simpsons bit where Smokey Bear asks, “Only who can prevent forest fires?” Bart and Lisa press the button marked “you,” and the bear replies, “You pressed you, referring to me. That is incorrect. The correct answer is… you!”

In a low-trust relationship, it’s the same: the answer is you.

If you’re the one who wants to improve the relationship, waiting for the other person to act first is a losing proposition. Trust doesn’t just appear, it’s built. And building starts with intention.

Taking Steps to Build Trust

If you’re reading this and thinking about a relationship where trust is shaky, the good news is you’re already moving with intention. Here are three more ways to move forward:

1. Tap the Brakes

Notice when you’re making fast judgments. Ask yourself:

• Is this based on one recent incident?

• Am I reacting to a pattern…or a perception?

• What context might I be missing?

Our biases love to drive, but you can take back the wheel.

2. Try to See From Their Perspective

What perspective might they be bringing? What past experiences are shaping how they show up? Could your own tone, actions, or assumptions be contributing to the dynamic?

It doesn’t mean blame, it means lean in with curiosity.

3. Build the Bridge First

Vulnerability doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can be as simple as:

• Asking a thoughtful question.

• Listening without jumping in.

• Following up with care.

Trust is built in small moments of intention. And each moment is a brick in the bridge.

A Quick Note on Boundaries

Some low-trust relationships are low-trust for good reason. If someone has shown you manipulative, unsafe, or toxic behavior, keep your distance. Building trust isn’t always the right call. You’re not obligated to repair every dynamic. Protecting your well-being comes first.

But in situations where the relationship could be stronger, with a colleague, teammate, supervisor, or friend, it’s worth asking: what might happen if I take the first step?

Your Turn

Take a moment to reflect:

• Which relationships in your professional or personal life feel stuck or strained?

• What assumptions might be getting in the way?

• What small action could you take this week to open the door?

You don’t have to fix everything overnight. Just build the next brick.

I’d Love to Hear From You

Are you navigating a low-trust relationship right now? What’s helped you in the past? Drop your thoughts in the comments or send me a note, I’d love to hear your story.